:)

Well, I must say, if I lived in South Dakota right now, I would be p[acking my stuff and moving the fuck out of the state. Now, I know that I haven't posted much in the last months but I felt that I really should atleast put my opinion out there about this particular issue...

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20060224145109990005&ncid=NWS00010000000001

Apparently, South Dakota decided that it was their job to set women's right back to the dark ages (hear: the times of backdoor abortions.) Now, I realize that abortion is a hot button issue but this is my journal so if you don't like my opinion or the fact that i'm talking about this subject at all, then you can feel free to leave, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

I am and will always be Pro-CHOICE. I feel that it's no one's right to make the decision as to whether or not to keep a baby then the mother's. My Body, My Choice. Roe v. Wade is one of the most important ruling of the last century and it's a damn shame that South Dakota can't see that. It's an even bigger shame that they have now opened Pandora's Box, which now that Bush has had a chance to place not one...but 2 Good Ol' Boys onto the bench, is sure to only be closed by overturing Roe v Wade.

Now I have never been in the situation of needing an abortion and I honestly have no idea if I would be able to go through with it if I was, but, I can tell you that I'm totally against putting Doctors in jail for up to 5 years for performing an abortion. I find it even worse that SD would only allow abortions if it were to keep the mother alive. What about Rape and Incest victims, should a 14 year old girl be forced to carry the child, if her father,uncle,brother,or grandfather was the one the impregnated her in the first place? What about a woman who is raped? Should she be forced to carry the child, knowing that as soon as she gives birth, her rapist has the same rights to the child as she does? What about a high school senior with a high GPA and acceptance letters to all of the Ivy League Universities, who had sex with her boyfriend, and the condom broke? What if she's not ready to be a mother, or doesn't want to carry a baby to term and risk the chance of not being able to give it up for adoption?

Now I know many people will argue that if you have sex, you should be prepared to have a child, but come on now, let's be resonable, that's just not how our world works!


Like I said before, I wouldn't be able to leave South Dakota fast enough if I was living there right now! I hope that if the Govenor has a daughter, that she doesn't get raped and become pregant, but then again, I'm sure he thinks that that could never happen to his family! His family's motto must be "as long as it's not us", let's just hope he never has to test that!

well, i haven't updated in awhile (ever notice how often i start with that?) I guess that i've been pretty busy but then again haven't really done anything. Neele left a week ago tomorrow and seems to be doing ok atleast back home in Germany. Alea is gonna go live down in Seattle for a while, she's leaving on Aug. 15th. Her grandma is moving into a condo so she gonna go help her move and transfer down to a Safeways down there for awhile. i bet she comes back within 6 months tho.

It looks like i won't be going to school this year. I really really can't seem to make myself go to UAF and i don't have the money to go to CSU this year, oh and apparently even though im totally responsible and mature and deserving, mom and steve aren't willing to co-sign a loan for me so i can go to CSU. So instead im going to take a year off, live with Rachel and Ryland in Cheyenne and work and save some money so i can try to go next year (or maybe start taking classes second semester.) I've had my plane ticket to go down there for a vacation for awhile so i think that im going to take 2 suitcases full of stuff down there, hang out, come back, work the fairbanks fair, and buy myself a one way ticket back it Cheyenne. Then i can make 2 full suitcase trips and won't have to ship as much and i can make enough money in fairbanks to get me by down there until i can get a job.

The weird thing is that mom told rachel and ryland that she would totally understnd if i didn't want to come back, i wish i would've been there to see the look of shock on Rachel's face when mom told her. so i've spent the last day or so trying to figure out what to take with me and what i'll need. It's all coming so fast, i mean i knew that i would be moving out when i went to college but i won't actually be going to school (and if you know me at all you'll know that this is a strange concpet to me, i've always had my plan but life doesnt always go as planned.) Haley will be the only one out of the 3 of us that will actually be starting college ontime, beyond weird!!

well, im sure i have more to say but i have my last volunteer shift up at the hospital in a few minutes so i better be on my way, not to mention all the work i have to do when i off work and before mom and steve get home from vacation, i hope i can get the lawnmower started.


:/

Wow, I suck, i haven't updated in forever. Well, im just all sorts of excited, only 4 days of school left. 1 final tomorrow (although it's tech writing so in reality it's a joke), 2 on Thursday (Calc and Chem. both of which im a little afraid of- Calc a little more scary then Chem tho.) and the last final of my high school career Friday (Psychology-it won't be too bad, all multiple choice-i think!)Then end of the day Friday is Senior Send-off and sometime between now and then we get yearbooks.

Saturday morning Rae and Ry come in and im gonna head up to fairbanks with them saturday or sunday. Next Thurs. is Grad Practice, Senior Picnic, and the fateful day that Matt is supposed to arrive.(Shot me (or him) now!) Friday is my grad party, GRADUATION and then grad blast till dawn!

I can't believe this year is almost over, but im so damn ready it's not even funny anymore!

I did go see Star Wars III on friday, that was craziness. We ended up in the second row off to the left side so our necks were all sorts of uncomfy by the end but the guys selling beer behind us and the old guy dressed like darth and the little kid dressed like yoda, lightsaber fighting before the movie started were both great!


ok i think im done for now, maybe more later.
:)

I really hate when people have a problem with me and dont tell me about it. then when i finally get up the courage to confront them and find out whats wrong they decide to tell me that they dont want to tell me until this weekend so i have to deal with them all this week without knowing whats going on. oh and apparently they've all talked about this problem amoungst themselves including the foreign exchange student who wanted to tell me what going on bu the other 2 told her that they'd have to wait.


why cant people be open and honest about what they feel and why???

Well, heres to further prolonging an already miserable day.


:'(

blah, i've been miserable all day.I was yelling obscenities and throwing things early this morning before i went to school and the day only got worse from there. Don't you just hate when you feel like you're absolutely invisible and that your friends arent really your friends and you'd just be better off rocking back and forth in the corner, crying. God i hate feeling like this!! someone make it better.....please?


:,(

I'm feeling a bit better today. I have a feeling this is because i haven't had much interaction with some certain people today oh and the fact that i only have 2 real classes today helps too.

on another note, i got my acceptance letter from the University of Washington on Saturday and i got the actual welcome packet yesterday. I also signed up for my Early Advising Session with CSU yesterday which doesn't actually happen until April 9th (i think.)

Well i think i'm gonna head out of this class early and get something to eat.


:)

is it normal to feel hatred towards a majority of the people around you? I think that i'm depressed these days,and have been for quite sometime but i dont really know. mom has taken to telling me lately that i've been acting like a bitch and that i've been acting like im better than everyone else.

to anyone that i might have done this to, I'm Sorry!


:(

Yeah so i guess it really is about time that i actually update this thing, sorry its been so long!

life has been interesting as of late.

In the last 3 months i've been dealing with an insane case of "senioritis", got a B in AP Calc, managed to get 6th period off-campus, have a relatively light schedule this semester-i only have one class that i need in order to graduate (Tech Writing 2) which is pretty much beyond easy but includes a lot of busy work.

I'm still volunteering at the hospital (dont ask me why, i dont have any better reason other than that i enjoy it), oh and the truly exciting part of all of this, I've been accepted to 2 of my 4 schools, i have yet to hear back from the other 2. Colorado State accepted me at the interview day back in Dec. which was amazing as CSU is pretty much my top choice (other than NYU which i dont know that ill get into let alone be able to pay for!) I got my "big envelope" from Western Washington last week which was also a great feeling. I applied for the WUE scholarship at western and if i get that, the choice between Western and CSU will be a hard one to make.

I filled out the FAFSA last weekend and cried when i saw what it estimated my EFC (estimated family contribution) to be(it took me a couple of minutes to even realize what all those number meant and then i went through 5 or so minutes of shock which pretty much envolved me staring at the comp screen with my mouth open.) this week has pretty much revolved aroung loans and scholarship info and forms. Matt (my good ole dad) called today and i really just wanted to reach through the phone and strangle him but that really isnt anything new.

so now im just trying to survive until tomorrow afternoon when the weekend (3 days infact) will start. There was something being said the other day about maybe going out to a club tomorrow night but i dont know that that'll amount to anything tangible. The girls and i havent been very close lately, i feel like im purposely left out of the loop sometimes, but whatever happens, ill be off at college in like 6 months and will be able to make new friends if need be.

Well, thats about it for now, but ill try my hardest to update more regularly, for awhile atleast.

:)

yeah so i stole this "bold if you..." thing from emily and im bored so ill actually do it.


01. I have a cell phone.
02. I'm obsessed with high heels.
03. I'm the youngest child. and the oldest. the only to be exact.
04. I am a shopoholic.
05. I love hoop earrings.
06. I am a libra.
07. I love vodka.

INTERMISSION (in place of #8)

09. I can't live without lip gloss.
10. I can't live without music.
11. I lived in Purgatory for 3 months.
12. I spend money I don't have.
13. I'll be in college forever.
14. I've seen Jason Mraz.
15. I get annoyed easily.
16. I eventually want kids.
18. I have more then a couple of horrible memories.
19. I am addicted to Lizzie McGuire.
20. I am a person
21. My first kiss was when I was 18.
22. I start film school in February.
23. I love taking pictures.
24. I hate girls who are fake.
25. I can be mean when I want to.
26. My dreams are bizarre.
27. One of my close friends is gay.
28. I have way too many purses.
29. I've seen 'Fight Club' at least 45 times.
30. I usually dress how I feel that day.
31. I love Sex and the City!
32. Sometimes I cry for almost no reason.
33. I hate when people are late.
34. I procrastinate.
35. I love winter.
36. I have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
37. I love to sleep.
38. I wish I were smarter.
39. I am afraid of flying.
40. I hate drama.
41. I am addicted to 'The O.C.'
42. I love my hair.
43. I never fight with my parents.
44. I love the beach.
45. I have never had the chicken pox.
46. I'm excited for the future.
47. I can't control my emotions.
48. I can't wait till New Year's.
49. I love the show 'Rich Girls'.
50. I love my friends.
51. Christmas is my favorite holiday.
52. I can be very insecure sometimes.
53. I have never broken a bone. *knock on wood!*
54. I hate racism.
55. I hate my computer.
56. I love guys that play the guitar.
57. I state the obvious.
58. I'm a happy person.
59. I love to dance.
61. I hate cleaning my room.
62. I tend to get jealous very easily.
63. I love cute underwear.
64. I love John Mayer.
65. I cry when I see animals/people getting hurt/abused.
66. I want to go to Greece.
67. I don't like to study for tests.
68. I love God.
69. I am too forgiving.
70. I have a horrible sense of direction.
71. I love(d) high school.
72. I have a talent of sweet-talking my way out of things.
73. I'm a daddy's girl.
74. I love kisses.
75. I love the color pink.
76. I love to sew.
77. I have green eyes.
78. I love the Olsen Twins.
79. I played soccer for 14 years.
80. I become stressed easily.
81. I hate liars.
82. I like comfy sweatpants.
83. Paul Walker is my dream guy.
84. I love the smell of asphalt after it's rained.
85. I love my family.
86. I hate needles.
87. I am a perfectionist.
88. I always wanted to learn to play the drums.
90. I am still a virgin.
91. I would love to have my own fashion line.
92. I can be quite selfish.
93. I still act like a little kid.
94. Above all, I despise dishonesty.
95. I love pictures.
96. I love music.
97. I wish I were more motivated when it comes to school.
98. I love getting stuff in the mail.
99. I have problems letting go of people.
100. I hate the feeling of being alone.

yeah, so i know i havent updated in awhile and that most have stopped reading this but i'll update anyways because i actually had a pretty exciting day! woke up took a shower and did some laundry. haley and alea showed up at around 12:30 and we went to the post office, wells faro, the gas station, and the purple moose for coffee. then we head to anchorage. Raced (a beat) some cute guys in a tiny truck. we went to 5th ave and looked ate clothes in wet seal and i bought a hat in PacSun and hung out at the Nature Source then we went down to FYE so i could buy a death cab cd and alea had a weird encounter with a guy and his firends. then we went to hot topicto look at body jewelry for haley and then headed to Mariposa and they tried on dresses from last year's prom season. the store right next to claire's used to be Big Dog's or something and now its like a weird store but as we were walking by i saw that they're selling LOVE SACS and OMG i want one soooooooooooooooooo bad it's not even funny. and the 5 footer is ONLY $399 with any cover you want but they only have like 17 in stock as a trial thingy. i think im gonna get one in the next couple weeks, maybe with part of my pernmanent fund ($919.84) or maybe witht the money that Matt (my oh-so-not-wonderful-dad) wants to give me! :) So from the mall we headed up C Street to the main point of our trip to town today, Body Piercings Unlimited. I was so nervous by the time i got there and my hand was shaking really bad when i was filling out the consent form. i picked out my barbell (a pretty, sterling silver one with a really light colored purple gem on the bottom!) and waited for it to get thru the sterilizer-thingy and then the lady called me in to the little room and put the dots where she would pierce and did it. it only took like 5 mins total (thats the dots thru the aftercare instructions) and i now have a very pierced right Eyebrow, and haley was right, it barely hurt at all! talk about an adreanaline rush! and i cant see it unless i squint really hard and then i can just barely see it from the corner of my eye and i cant really feel it at all, the salt water spray stuff works really well witht he itchiness! :) i was like bouncing up and down at one point. then we headed to Sorrento's for dinner (yum yum!) then the Barnes and Noble (i got the new Gossip Girls book and a couple of mags.) and then we cruised the strip a few times and headed home.
Haley took before and after pics with the black and white film but ill prolly post some pics from my digital tomorrow or something, not that anyone reads this anymore or do they?! :) but that was my day, how was yours?

:)

oh yeah, well once again im sitting here in my TA for Crasky class. havent done too much today, i hate Calc though it'd probobaly be better if it wasnt first hour. Made emily make my copies for drasky since shes cook's TA this hour. we had a really pointless class meeting today it only lasted like 10 mins haha. ok well its almost time to go to Tech Writing so i guess i should be going. ill write more tomorrow or later tonite and ill update about the last few weeks.


:)

im tired and since i laid down on my bed about 30 mins ago, i'm statrting to get sore. I guess ill recap my day but just as a note I FUCKING HATE WORK!!!

i got up around 8.30 AM so i could shower and have breakfast before i headed out to the fair grounds for work.

got to work a few minutes early (not a good plan today) and john was in an absolutely HORRIBLE mood, bitching about anything and everything, so much that within about 5 mins. we all wanted to hit him over the head with a case of fucking lazers. oh and within about 15 mins of my arrivala, john had already fired 2 people and was working on a 3rd.

around 10.30, the truck of freight (*cries*) arrives. at first it looked like there wasnt very much at all but then i realized that it was 9 pallets (plus four extra boxes) which made a grand total of 132 boxes. and since the truck driver didnt have a power lift on his truck, we had to take each box down off the giant semi INDIVIDUALLY! so even with 6 of us it still took close to an hour and then we had to spend more time after that organizing and getting it all put into the stock trailer. pretty much the rest of my day (until 7.30pm) was spent at my booth (The Toymaker, as it is offically called) getting everything finished up/set up best we could. john came down every once and a while and bitched and complained about how we werent working fast enough and we were all moving to slow and all this bullshit, one should wonder why i put up with his shit so much, but i do get tomorrow off which is nice since the fair starts on thursday and i have to be there at 10am.

thats about it as far as i can remember, but then again im really tired and have probably forgot a thing or two but who really cares, right?!

i think ill prolly hang out with Emily some tomorrow, we'll prolly just go to wasilla, i told her that maybe id buy her lunch or something, but only if she gets up early enough, hehe.


:)
Goodnite all

so yeah, its been a little over 2 months since i updated, sorry about that by the way, but i wouldnt be expecting too many post until school starts again (15 more days :( / :) ) the friday was really fucking scary but that is absolutely all i have to say on the subject, id much rather just forget it anyways!


so yeah, the first month or so of summer was boring but then i went to Wyoming and it was so unimaginably fun! i havent said anything to mom yet, but im pretty sure that i want o go back for Xmas. Weddings are fun and i would be absouletly ecstatic (sp?!) to be apart of an xmas wedding of 2 of my favorite people on the planet.

i can back from wyoming to crazy immaturity and hurt feelings and then i turned 18 (yay for me!!) i headed up to fairbanks t work the fair up there and remembered just how nice it can be for someone to call you "gorgeous" or "beautiful" every time they see or talk to you, even if you know he's just a charmer, you just cant beat a good compliment (it really is too bad i only get to see John once a year in fairbanks and that he left for Reno before the fair ended,he's such a sweetie, hope he didnt get himself into toooo much trouble down there.)

ok, so yeah, anyways, hung out with my aunt and uncle when i wasn't working up there. made some money and then came home. started work agian yesterday and might not get another day off until the fair ends and school starts (except for perhaps one day off during the fair.) my uncle came down and went to the heart center at providence hospital in anch. they told him that theyll be fixing his heart problem (atrial flutter) on 1 Sept. and he'll be as good as new (or atleast as good as new as a 50-some year old Hells Angel can be.)

well, i dont really have tooo much else to say, i have one letter to write and some school clothes shopping to do so i should prolly end this here. i will try my hardest to post more often in the next couple weeks but im not promising anything and you really shouldnt hold your breath!!


:)

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yeah, so i found this on emily's journal and thought id give it a try, so here it is.


:)

Yay, school's offically over and we're now Seniors, it's sooo fucking cool!! I got to the school at about 6:45 this morning and was the 3rd one there but by the time we'd lined up and were allowed into the gym, i ended up in the second group because so many people had cut in line (damn kids!) oh and i was supposed to have first hour off all year but then they switched Calc to that period which sucked and means that i have to take Alaska Studies and Tech Writing 2 5th hour and Calc first instead of offcampus (sleeping)-SUCK-Y!!!!

after we finished scheduling, alea,haley, and i went out to haley's house and watched Phonebooth (good movie) then alea went home and i went home until about 2 when Haley and i went to the Beehive for Alea's hair appt (black back the dirty blonde) then we got some dinner at subway, came back to my house to eat, got some dessert at fred meyer's and made plans for tomorrow (Anch.)

And now, here i am, hiding out in my rom because 2 of steve's grandkids are over. i'll try to update tomorrow when we get back from Anch but no promises!:)


:)

yeah, so today was the last day of classes this school year! Yippeeeee!!!!! We still have to go back tomorrow morning to schedule but for the most part, we're F-R-E-E!! Yay!


ok, im done now,
:)

Happy Birthday Emily!!!


<3,
:)


ps- 17 isn't old!! :P

god i really am horrible about posting in here arent i? well, not a whole lot has happened this week, went to golf, did some homework, went to work yesterday and thats about it. Mom's at a retreat thing for work today and part of tomorrow which is just as much of a retreat for me as it is for her. This last weekend was fun tho, maybe i'll post some of those pics in here tonite or something.

Haley,Alea, and I all went out to Lacey's on Saturday nite. I tired to help Alea with her math but then we gave up, we ordered some pizza (that delivery guy was pretty!!) and then we did what all teenagers should do on Saturday nites and got drunk (well, maybe tipsy is more like it) We had some Fuzzy Navel Wine Cooler things and some Smirnoff (i really dont think thats spelled right but WHATEVER! :) ) Twists (Mandorin,Green Apple,and Raspberry) that Lacey bought for us for Prom. we ended up with like 15 left over from prom nite and all 15 were gone by like 10:30pm. Then we did some shots of the Smirnoff Green Apple Vodka that Lacey had and then some homemade drinks with regular vodka and V8 Splash (yum yum). We watched some movies, called Alea's "stalker" Luke and then pretty much passed out. I love when i can drink and not feel it at all in the morning, it's WONDERFUL!!!!! :D we got up, got dressed and ready and went to carrs for doughnuts then went our seperate ways.

Oh yeah i got my SAT scores on Friday :( Total: 1140 (590 Verbal; 550 Math) and im so glad that ill get the chance to take them again in Oct. because im really not happy with that score at all!! oh and i finished my Pop Final in Pre-Calc this morning and ende up getting a 78% which in all honesty sucks a big one. atleast it's one i can drop. I hope i can pull an A off in that class.

oh well, im done for now, im sure ill be online tonite and i might try to update then.

:)


ps- only 8 more days of school, and then ill be a senior, aint it great?!?!?! :) ok, i really am done now! =)

i havent posted for a long time, sorry bout that by the way, i've been really busy but hopefully after prom this weekend things will settle down. im already feeling much more less stressed after taking my SATs this last saturday, now im worried about getting my dress fixed in time, but im sure itll be fine. ok well its like 2 mins till lunch so ill try to write more later.

peace,
:)

im really fucking pissed at my mom, she's the devil, i hate the bitch from hell. so i woke up this and was getting ready to go (i gave myself a whole 18 mins!) adn i went out to grab my shoes and a baggie for some chips and shes like, "When you get home, you need to get online and print up your tax form baecause we didnt pay your taxes on your PFD" im sitting there shoched because i asked her if i could watch her do the taxes this year so i could figure it out but she said no because they were having them done somewhere and i wouldnt need to worry about it until next year. so i told her for like the 4th(yes 4th!!!) time that i was going to prolly do stuff with Haley and Alea so i prolly wouldnt be home until she would. and she just goes off on me for like 5 mins about how i act like im the queen of everything and that everyone should do whatever i want (yeah, doesnt that sound like me?!?!) and that she never asks me for anything and that i better not ask her for ANYTHING for "a long fucking time." and then she said that maybe she just wouldnt let me go with haley and alea after school and that i should call her later in the day to see if she would allow me to go. god i hate the bithc, i really want to get drunk or stoned right now, that would be so nice but its sadly not going to happen and now im gonna go and try to study for my essaytest in gorman's next hour which im pretty ure im gonna BOMB badly.

:/